


Booze and Tacos

by Rainbowmandms



Category: Underfell - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game), underswap
Genre: All the shenanigans, Animosity, Bad Jokes, Drunken Shenanigans, Eventual badly written smutt, F/M, I'm pants at tagging...send help, I'm really bad at writing Red y'all, I'm sorry to your eyes, Life is embarassing, M/M, Multi, Profanity, Sober ones to..., What goes here?, reader is a dork
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowmandms/pseuds/Rainbowmandms
Summary: So that skeleton that hangs out at the bar you hit on occasion after work? Yep, that's gonna be your new best friend...if you can manage the nerve to talk to him. Uh oh Hun, your awkward is showing.
Relationships: Red/Blue/Reader, maybe others as things progress, mentions of past Blue/Grillby
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	1. And So It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I have to many things to work on...but this ones been brewing for awhile now!

The bar was surprisingly well lit and smelled of old vinyl that had been super-heated and tobacco smoke. You were leaned against the shiny surface of the bar spinning your hips slightly side to side on the rotating stool. You wanted to talk to Red, but he was intimidating. He was decently friendly, supposedly, according to people who were here often. But he never paid you any attention and you hadn't the faintest clue how to try and go about talking to him. You chanced a glance over in his direction chin in one hand, the other rolling your empty shot glass around. He was captivating, but it was more from curiosity than anything else; he was a monster, literally. They'd been around for a couple of years now, but you'd never really gotten a chance to talk to one. And Red was here every. Single. Time. You came in. Granted you only came in a couple times a month at best, drinking was cheaper at home. Plus you weren't really the best at being social with people who didn't already know you.

So why your brain decided to be fascinated with the short skeleton with the exceedingly sharp teeth and fuzzy scene jacket was a mystery. One that you weren't exactly hoping to solve so much as you were inclined to try and roll with it. But, well, that mix of the bad guy vibe and your own social awkward kept you sitting there rocking around. You were overthinking this, you just knew it. It was a public place, you could just go say hi, you should just go say hi! You were so _not_ going to just stroll up and say hi.

The bartender held a hand out to you so you place the empty glass in her outstretched palm, “Stop staring and go talk to him. Make a reeeeeeally shitty joke. It’ll break the ice I promise. I've seen him drunk enough times to know.” her simple blonde ponytail wasn't enough of a distraction from your encircling thoughts.

You sigh and down another shot set in front of you. Now or never, with all that liquid fire rolling around you can blame anything on the tipsy, right? He didn't have to know you weren't that bad off.

And that was how you managed to walk up to the skeleton who always sat at in the fourth stool from the left with a straight face. You sat on the stool next to him back to the bar and opened your mouth, intending to be completely normal and smooth...until the worst possible thing you could have said flew out of your mouth.

“Wanna go halves on a bastard?”

The skeleton hit a spit take on whatever he was drinking. Your face burned and your jaw dropped with a small strangled squeak.

“OhgodI'msorry!”

“holy shit, and people call me horrible.”

“I can't believe that actually came out of my mouth...I’mma just gonna go die now.”

He laughed at you tapping the bar while you spun about face to drown your sorrows. The poor female tender came over rolling her eyes, “The hell you need now Red? I'm almost done with my shift.”

You looked up at her pitifully from between your splayed fingers, “I rolled a fucking one on my charisma check. I owe this poor man a drink for his troubles.”

The other girl burst into raucous laughter grabbing a couple of shot glasses and a bottle of tequila placing them in front of the two of you. Red raised a brow bone...was that appropriate terminology? You weren't sure exactly what to call it, and you didn't quite want to ask either.

While you were trying to calm the raging flush in your face and likely over-thinking the entire concept of what to call parts of your not yet acquaintance's facial structure, Red had cracked the bottle open and was currently sliding a shot in your direction. You blinked at him and reached for a tiny salt shaker that had been placed by the bottle. He laughed and you sighed, “I really am sorry, that was incredibly terrible.”

“'s not that bad. now i forever have ammunition to hold on ya. name's red.” He tilted the second shot glass in a mock salute. You downed the next shot of liquid fire and scrunched your face at the salty burn.

“Y/n. Sorry I came off as a total creep.”

“you always apologize so much?”

“Um...that's entirely possible.”

"all that apologizing ‘s gonna get annoying real fuckin fast.” He interjected.

"Sorry.”

Red smirked like he knew exactly what you were gonna say before it came out of your mouth, maybe he did. You didn't know if monsters had some weird psycho brain powers.

You sighed, "Well sor- you know what. Nope, you can be the butt, and I can ignore you until you're at least neutral, if not nice."

Red raised an eyebrow. "hunny... i come here every night... i know yah couldn't ignore me even if you were blind and deaf." A devilish smirk crossed his face as he downed his shot and then poured himself another.

You snorted grabbing the bottle to pour your own, "If you're here every night you're running out of regulars to drag home after the fact aren't you?"

Red shook his head a little. “fraid not. I don't usually go after the regs. I prefer the one timers. can't go halfsie on a bastard if i keep seeing her pop up at my favorite bar."

You dropped your head onto the bar, "Ok, ok, just let me keep the bottle. I'll gladly drown in my embarrassment now."

Red chuckled "i'll let yah keep the bottle if yah can make me laugh again with one of your horrid pickup lines. or was the halfsie not trying to pick me up?"

"No!" The blood rushed back to your face, "I really wasn't. I uh, I was told to make a joke and that came out all. Wrong. It's just I've been in a few times and you're always here and I've never actually talked to a monster before..." You quickly downed another shot, might as well make it count if you were going for broke on the drinking.

Red put his shotglass down, and his smirk faded a bit. "so you came to talk to me just cause i'mma monster??? mmmmmmm human?"

Oh no, that wasn't how you meant it. Sure he was, and it was why you were wanting to talk to him, but not for any sort of nefarious reason! The idea of monsters intrigued you, and they were interesting. He was interesting. Quick salvage the situation...was that even possible?

"God that sounds horrible. Yes? No? I don't know? Everybody seems to think you're pretty nice, and you seem interesting enough...i'll uuuhhh imma go..."

Red's smirk returned full force as he chuckled again. "naaah you ain’." His eyes flashed brightly, "sit down let me enjoy the company." A more genuine smile appeared but it seemed almost frightening. “nice huh? never thought that was the word for it."

You grumbled pushing around the shot glass pouting, "I'm beginning to see that this place is full of fibbers."

Red raised both his brows up and then down in an almost comedic fashion as another smirk flashed across his face,"True dat".

You let him have the shitty pop culture reference without calling him on it,"So could this be any more awkward? I feel like I'm missing something here... Clearly it's my job for the night to cover the entire dumbshit category." You replied with a small smile.

"it's only awkward if yah make it that way. yer not missing anything yer just not talking." Red laughed for a minute. "So do yah always talk to skeletons or is my bone special?" he winked a little as your face flushed an even darker shade of his ironic namesake.

You couldn't help it, the tipsy level had risen and he was actually funny, the giggles started, "Holy shit, ok so maaaybe the tender isn't such a liar. How many of-of your bones are labeled funny?"

"depends. i know i got at least one that'll make yah walk funny in the mornin if yah let me." That demonic smile crept across his face again. It was terrifying up close, all the fangs on display including one that you now noticed was a gold replacement. How had that happened? And man were you getting drowsy, how hard was planning on working the game tonight? "Either you're overcompensating, or your totally closet bound...nobody actually says things like that...do they?"

"eh monsters are a lot different than humans kiddo." Red chuckled some more and threw back another drink, "then again maybe you can just see right through me."

You groaned but smiled all the same, "That one was cheesy, but I'm intrigued. How different, besides the obvious nonhuman thing?"

He shrugged "depends on the monster. some of us have different sensibilities than humans. others just different tastes and personalities." Red leaned back a little putting his shot glass down. "tibia honest tho." he stuck his tongue out laughing at his own joke, "monsters’re just really fucked up kid. yah should be careful who yah fuck with."

You looked him over thoughtfully, "Ok, so maaaaybe not as many liars as I assumed earlier." You replied, he was willing to admit to flaws in his own race, that already put him leagues ahead of a lot of the jerks you knew.

Red's eye-lights (would that be offensive to say out loud?) rolled around in his head. "don't take this the wrong way, but i don't give a fuck what people say ‘bout me. i ain’ sayin these things ta be nice. I say ‘em cause they're the truth. mess with the wrong monster and you'll need more than a skeleton friend to deal with the bone they'll be picking outta yah."

You nodded, it would make sense after how long monsters had been imprisoned underground that some wouldn't be happy with humans, "Sure, leave them be lest they talk to me. Easy enough I guess."  
You snagged the bottle back and downed another shot swaying a bit, "But you're actually being super awesome. So, whether you mean it or not, you're actually pretty nice, truthfully."

“thanks I guess?" Red didn't really look your way at the compliment. "yah gonna be okay to get back to yer place?"

You nodded head fuzzy, "'S what uber is for Skeleman."

"good, cause i sure as hell ain’ draggin you home, listen i gotta get goin, what's yer name?" He asked standing from the barstool, he had to be shorter than you, you really didn't care enough to stand up and test the theory though.

"You probably couldn't even if you wanted to bone man. Lack the muscle tone." You stuck out a hand, and offered up your name, hoping it wasn't to forward and handshaking wasn't some cultural taboo, "Maybe I'll come by a little more often."

Red laughed at your corny joke shaking your hand, "Alright, ‘m not good with names so if i call you halfsie next time i see you don't turn too red." Red threw some money on the table then looked at the barkeep. His eye flashed again and he looked over at you still sitting with the bottle. The message was clear. Make sure she got home safe. He pulled his hood up over his head his wicked toothy grin peeking out from underneath the darkness as he left the bar.

You left the bottle sitting staring at the hand he had shaken. His bones were a little warmer than you expected, but what was it you were really expecting? You didn't have a clue. You went ahead and ordered the car ride home and poured one more shot downing it and adding to the little pile, with a nice tip for the bartender and settled down to rethink the conversation in a slightly drunken haze.

And that was how you ended up waking up already 20 minutes late for work the next morning. You cursed rushing through getting dressed trying to look decent enough not to scare anybody. At the last second checking your rearview you realized you still had on last night's makeup (dark like that looked so cute on raccoons but did not work for you), and fumbled in your purse for remover wipes; which conveniently slipped in your rush getting to into your right eye and burning like hellfire. The string of curses that tumbled from your lips would have impressed Red. The thought brought forth an ironic laugh. It turned out he was a pretty good guy, if a little rough around the edges. It wasn't until you were pulling into the work lot headache making itself known in a big way, that you realized you weren't actually supposed to be at work that day at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New settings, and a grumpy face!

Work sucked. It sucked when people were in collosal hurries to get through their day. It sucked when deadlines were looming. It really really sucked when people under you didn't do their jobs and you ended up having to fix all of their crappy mistakes along with doing your share of whatever project happened to be going on...and it really sucked to be basically someone's glorified secretary on top of it all.

You were stopping by the bar on the way home from that God forsaken hell hole and maybe have some fun letting off a little steam. It had been a couple of weeks, nothing unusual about that. You had earned it dealing with someone spilling coffee and shorting out half your area's electricity for hours, your poor work computer included. You only hoped all of your files had been backed up that morning. If they hadn't, you might very well hire a hitman to take out Jenny from down the cubicle row.

And it was raining; seriously you were beginning to feel like the cat from that old internet meme. Fuck this day, fuck those electrical issues, and fuck this weather in particular. At least your shirt wasn't white- was it? A quick look down confirmed you indeed were not wearing something that would show off what lay beneath as soon as you stepped into the downpour. At least you had that going for you.

Getting to the car wasn't as horrible as you had imagined it would be, you weren't soaked beyond belief (thank you whatever was out there listening) and your heat kicked in nicely so you weren't freezing either. It just felt so nice to be free of the work stress. You pulled out and stopped by the old bar again, and just like the last few times you came in there was Red in the fourth stool.

The same bartender from before smiled and sent you a small wave, it must have been a slow evening there were all of three other people there, not including the skeleton. And you sure weren't quite ready to face him yet after last time, so you found a spot on the other end of the bar. Your phone quickly stole your attention, time to catch up with the world outside of work.

You looked up as the blonde tending the bar clicked a glass down in front of you, "I don't know what the story here is, but he said he'd cover half the cost of a suffering bastard in your favor?"

 _You almost died._ Brain short circuiting as you stared at her face, your own slowly igniting in a furious blush. That asshole you had to think of something, anything. So you stammered out a thank you to the poor bartender and turned your attention back to your phone. One quick search, and a few sips of the surprisingly not terrible drink, later...you still weren't ready. But you would never be really ready so you got up and made your way over anyway.

He barely looked up at your appearance, so you swallowed your pride and forced the most obnoxious accent you could, "Do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydro power? Because dammmm!"

He snorted his beer, some of it splattering onto the bar from the vacant spot a human nose would sit in. You weren't quite sure what to make of it, until the laughter started. Oh, ok, that was good right?

"Are you tryin to kill me?" He asked after a moment of absolutely cackling.

"No, just thought I'd see how it went if I tried another line. The internet has some doozies." You fessed up.

"Shit, and here I thought you'd be speechless with the bastard reminder."

"That's what made me come over actually. Thought I shouldn't be surprised if you didn't remember?"

"Said that about a name Boozy."

"Boozy?"

"Yep, better than one liner yeah?"

"Guess that's true." You sigh back, slipping onto the stool next to him. No point in retreating now, you were already here and nobody else was someone you recognized.

"not gonna lie to your face, lookin kinda rough." He chuckled at you as you pointedly refused to rise to the baiting.

"Shut up, work sucked all the joy from me today." You complained, yeah Jenny and her overpriced coffee- no no, don't go down the route of mentally berating your bitch eating crackers. That part of the day was behind you.

"damn, and here i figured i’d gotten ya.”

“You’re gonna need to try harder than that.” not too much harder, but that didn't need to be said aloud. He was certainly the type that would take advantage of that information. You didn’t have to know him all that well to tell that.

“what happened?” he asked as you slipped into place beside him.

You blinked at him, “What?”

“at work? you said it sucked chimp ass.”

“I did not!” you shot back eyes wide, holy hell this man- skeleton- monster- you...really should ask how the proper way to refer to him was. Thought for now, you could just blast on Jenny and her shitty ice cream flavored wannabe coffee...that actually sounded kinda good in retrospect.

Which led into the three hour conversation about work woes and how he had to listen to people angrily yell at each other all the time for at least two of however many jobs he actually had. You really weren’t sure where all he worked, but you know he talked about having more than one. It was kinda cool to have someone to bitch to. It was cool the next time, and the time after that, and again and again.

Before you knew it there were a couple months in between that first conversation and the first time you actually saw him in the wild.

* * *

“SANS YOU CANNOT BUY ANOTHER FOUR BOTTLES OF MUSTARD! WE DO NOT HAVE ROOM IN THE FRIDGE!”

“yeah yeah boss, do me a favor and believe in my mad tetris skills.”

You knew...one of those voices anyway. You peered around to the next grocery store isle and snickered quietly, sure enough there was Red and what looked like a family member. Maybe this was the beloved little brother, not that he was all that little at what had to be over six feet without the bitch heels. Seriously you would die a young ugly death in those how did a towering skeleton pull them off without breaking his ankles? Did skeleton monsters have ankles? Not the time!

You backed your cart up making your way down the isle behind them, clearly the taller was paying much more attention than Red was, but he still dismissed you, glancing back to what looked like injectable marinades.

“If you and I were socks, we'd make a great pair!”

Red wheezed, leaning his hands onto his knees completely unprepared for it.

The taller brother backed away from you a good several feet with a loud noise of disgust, “DEAR STARS SANS YOU’VE BEGUN INFECTING THE PUBLIC, THE _GENERAL PUBLIC_! THIS IS A DISGRACE!”

You looked between the brothers(?), “Um, hi?” _Dramatic much?_

Red finally quit the wheezing laughter, “do you work at dick's? because you're _sporting the goods_!”

Oh. My. God. his brother looked like he was going to blow up, and you were probably a brighter red than even he was! How did he keep finding these lewd ones! You had to scour the internet for cheesy lines and he just had them in spades!

The taller skeleton opened his mouth, likely to start screeching again, and Red cut him off with a small hand gesture. The taller’s face scrunched, seriously one of these days you really needed to ask Red what was up with them being malleable, “DO NOT IMITATE THOSE CHEAP KNOCK-OFFS!”

Red wheezed out another laugh, "Alright Boss, chill. This is Booze, she hangs out on occasion, not half bad for a human."

He grinned at you the gold tooth replacement glinting slightly, "This is my bro, big boss-man. Most call 'em Edge."

You nodded and looked to his brother having to tilt your head up to meet his gaze, "Hi, sorry for the awkward introduction."

He made a noncommittal noise and turned back to the bottles lining the shelves. Oh well, not the most friendly personality was it? Then again, you had just interrupted their shopping trip, it was probably on you.

Red shrugged, stuffing his hands down in his pockets, "So, got anything in there worth stealing?"

He looked over your cart, nosey man-skeleton-monster- whatever was the appropriate term!

"Excuse you, get your own stuff!" You complained hunching over the front of your cart. Of course that only covered the seating portion and left anything in the basket open for picking. A problem Red used to his advantage to steak a colorful cereal box, you waved an arm at him in a flustered gesture,

"Put that back you gremlin!"

"Gonna make me?"

"I swear to all that is holy Red if you make me backtrack I will plot revenge. Julie will help."

Julie being the poor blonde bartender who put up with you and Red and your tipsy shenanigans. A couple of times now you had asked her to judge who's lines were better. She probably wished she owned the place so she could put you both out on your asses. Hm did skeletons have asses? You couldn't resist cutting a glance to Edge, he was still facing away from you both toward the marinades. He didn't appear to have anything going on? Though the level of painted-on in his black jeans should be illegal; It wasn't fair, with no flesh he would never have a muffin top. You silently mourned for your inability to match that.

Red growled quietly, "You done over-lookin something there?"

Oh. Oh no. How long had you been staring at his brother's non-existent ass in public? A stammered reply didn't make any sense. He dropped the cereal box back into your cart and cackled at the amount of flush to your face, "Holy shit Booze, you're some sort of stupid tonight."

You grumbled and flipped him the bird beating a hasty retreat into the frozen section. Behind you you could just make out Edge laying into his sibling, though the exact subject was indistinguishable. Once you calmed down you could laugh about it though. Oh lord, you had just checked out one of your best friend's brother's ass in the middle of the supermarket. His younger brother's ass. You were lucky you didn't have a broken socket! And now that lady a few freezer doors down thought you were weird giggling to yourself in the freezer section!

What a way for the evening to go.


End file.
